WINSTON-SALEM, N.C. — Deck the halls with boughs of holly -- not balls of stress and anxiety over hosting multi-generations of loved ones this Christmas and holiday season.
It is hard to manage the holidays, especially as loved ones age, and traditions change. Healthcare administrator Shonette Pettiford with Arbor Acres, a full-service Continuing Care Retirement Community (CCRC) in Winston Salem, said families must have discussions about the logistics and emotion of celebrating holidays with an elderly family member who is at a retirement or nursing facility.
"Thinking about your loved one's ability to move is very important, as well as their mental status," Pettiford explained.
Pettiford joined the Good Morning Show team Wednesday to outline several factors, from transportation logistics to mental health, to consider in advance of a family gathering with an aging loved one.
• Pick-Ups/Drop-Offs. "If your relative lives in a healthcare environment, be sure to preschedule pick-up and drop-off times so your loved ones are ready when you arrive, and the community is prepared to welcome them back upon return," she said.
• Physical Limitations. "Many feel guilty when considering the possibility of leaving loved ones alone in their healthcare center because of the stress of managing their physical limitations. To solve this challenge, identify a vendor that rents wheelchair transports with leg rests that your relative can use to remain at the center of all the family fun while celebrating with you at home."
• Walking Visits. "Those experiencing cognitive issues are often restless and anxious. Sitting down is hard for them. Consider taking short walks around the neighborhood or through the healthcare center to help manage their stress. Talk about family memories to redirect their attention."
• Food Planning. "As we age, our taste buds change along with the ability to consume certain types of food and textures. Be aware of food restrictions. Do not force loved ones to eat a full holiday meal if they are not interested. Be sensitive to the incorporation of sweets into a menu if someone is on a diabetic diet, and stay alert to the risk of aspiration with someone who has an impaired swallowing condition."
• Food Spills. "Who has not dripped ketchup on a clean white shirt? If this happens to your loved one during a holiday meal, do not make changing the shirt a big deal. Focus on the time together and not how your loved one looks."
• Set the Stage. "Manage your guests' expectations in advance for changes they might see in your loved one's physical or emotional health. Avoid or redirect conversations about sensitive or inappropriate subjects related to weight loss, disheveled appearances, and memory challenges."
• Toileting. "If your loved one is not able to toilet independently, partner with their healthcare community to do a toileting experience in advance or create a plan to manage this need during your holiday celebration. Do not make bathing a big deal, if needed."
• Medication Administration. "Make sure you maintain your loved one's medication schedule. Refill medications before the holidays and/or give the healthcare center time to prepare prepackaged medications you can administer as needed during your visit."
• Travel. "Airports are especially busy during the holidays, and seniors are vulnerable to over-stimulation. Standing in long security lines, waiting on delayed flights, addressing toileting issues, sitting still in a seat for the duration of the flight can cause stress for you and your loved one. Consider driving rather than flying to your holiday destination. When possible, keep car rides to no more than 60 minutes."
• Virtual Visits. "When it is not possible to visit with loved ones in person, work with their healthcare center or other family members to schedule a virtual visit. This will keep everyone connected and reduce feelings of guilt."
• Keep Calm and Carry On. "To ensure holiday celebrations go as smoothly as possible, meet your loved ones where they are. Avoid over-stimulation. Let them carry around their favorite stuffed animal or doll. Let them rest as needed. Share memories and look at photos together. Invite them to participate as they are able in cherished family traditions."
• Rethink How You Celebrate. "Keep in mind that if you think it will be too challenging to pick up and drive your loved one back to their healthcare community, rethink a home visit and make plans to celebrate with them where they live. Managing their stress and anxiety is as important as managing your own. Consider this is an opportunity to create new memories and traditions."
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