GREENSBORO, N.C. — We've heard that building a home with your romantic partner can ruin your relationship. Moving into an already-built home or an apartment can be a major strain, too.
A common mistake couples make about moving is not having a pre-move conversation about what each partner thinks should happen, who's responsible for what, like packing and unpacking, and how to handle last-minute schedule changes that can throw a monkey wrench into the move.
Each partner has ideas of who's responsible for packing, loading, unloading, and unpacking. Who's supposed to buy packing materials, call the movers, or get friends to help? The issue is that these ideas, which are really unspoken expectations, aren't communicated to each other. They're assumed. Assumptions that aren't fulfilled usually turn into tension between the couple. Oh, and when something goes wrong like something wasn't packed or left behind, one partner might say, "You forgot…" And as soon as those words come flying out of someone's mouth, the heat is on. It can start an argument because the partner hearing this feels blamed when moving is supposed to be teamwork. Or, someone puts more time into the move than the other partner. Or, there's a last-minute change in one partner's schedule, where they're not around to help with the packing, moving, and unpacking, which can cause problems. The other partner feels like they have other stuff that they can do. And you're not helping as much because of a schedule change, and yet, you expect me to pick up your slack when I can be doing other things, too. Or, it's agreed to who is doing what, and then one partner wants the other partner to do more but doesn't communicate that, yet has the expectation.
Let's say that you didn't have a pre-move talk, or come to find out, there are things you didn't talk about. Here are some tips on how to handle stress during the move. A lot of stress could be curbed if you think about your partner before you make decisions. Before you tell your partner that they forgot to pack something or forgot to check with the movers about something, ask yourself what your responsibility is in that particular circumstance. Could you have forgotten? Could you have asked the movers? Why do you feel like you have to blame your partner? Moving is stressful, and blaming isn't helpful because it doesn't solve anything. Sometimes, unexpected situations come up, like a schedule change where you won't be as available to help with the move. Before you put more responsibility on your partner for the move, ask yourself if your partner changed their schedule during the move, which meant that they wouldn't be around to help. What impact would it have on you? Remember, this moving is temporary, but the effect of your decisions on your partner can be long-lasting.
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