GREENSBORO, N.C. — School can be stressful for all kids, regardless of age, because they juggle schoolwork, extracurricular activities, studying, friendships, and home responsibilities.
For some high school students, add in part part-time. As much as parents would like to think that their kids will turn to them when they're struggling, we know that isn't always the case.
Most parents want their children to be successful and succeed more than they did. Sometimes, parents don't realize the impact of that pressure on their kids. They pressure their children to keep up grades or balance all responsibilities, for example, to encourage their children. Parents might talk about how hard they had it growing up or how they struggled in school. Some kids can't relate to their parents' personal stories. So, the kids feel misunderstood and can't relate to their parents.
It's good to have high expectations for your kids if it's in their ability to achieve. Expecting your child to do the best they can is reasonable. Even asking your child to do a little more than they think can be reasonable, too. However, expecting perfection is an unrealistic expectation, which ultimately leads to failure at some point. Remember that kids have different resilience levels; some don't always bounce back quickly.
Checking in with your children is more than asking how's everything going. Kids will drop hints about what's bothering them. If you, as their parent, pick up on stress signs and give them support. Tell them you don't expect perfection, e.g., straight A's or being a full-time student and working full-time. Giving them space to relax and make mistakes will go a long way. Checking in is also about spending time with your kids, whether sharing a meal, watching a show, or walking. Sometimes, it isn't about talking where your kid hears your lecture; it's your presence.
If you sense they're feeling hopeless, this is a warning sign that everything isn't okay with them. Hopelessness is a dangerous mental state because it suggests that they don't see a way out or how anything will get better. Remember that a mental health professional can be helpful and resourceful in helping your child who’s feeling hopeless.
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