What Is It About Compliments That Impact You?
Someone can make you feel great with a nice compliment such as "Fabulous shirt you have on." "Your presentation was awesome." "What a lucky guy you are to have such a beautiful girlfriend." But what makes a compliment, a compliment?
Compliments make you feel good. They're a temporary boost to your happiness and self-esteem. It's a good feeling to be recognized for a particular quality, trait or achievement. For example, it's nice to be recognized for your contribution in landing a new contract for your company.
Some compliments can stay with you for a while. And they can be a driving force to get you over a mental hump. Let's say that your friend says that you look great and you look more fit. So the next time, you're debating about going on your morning run, you might remember the way your friend's compliment made you feel. Those nice words might be enough to get you running out the door.
Compliments are important because you focus on positive qualities in someone. Too often you focus on someone's mistakes or shortcomings, which jades your view of the person. When you look for the positives you start to appreciate the person's goodness and value. Compliments can change the dynamics of both your personal and professional relationships when they're given freely and genuinely.
What Makes Compliments Sincere?
I'm sure you've noticed that certain compliments come across as more sincere than others. Specificity is the key to sincere compliments. The more specific your compliments the more you're paying attention to someone. Notice the difference in the following examples: "Good job" vs. "Clever of you to find the deleted information in the Johnson case." General compliments like "good job" are vague. You don't know what it really means.
The way you give a compliment impacts the sincerity. When you give a compliment, you should look at the person you're talking to. You might think that it's common sense to do so. You'd be surprised at the number of times someone gives a compliment as they're gathering their belongings to walk out the door or when they're walking by someone's desk. That disengagement signals a lack of sincerity.
Body language plays a role in giving compliments. To come across sincere, you should stop what you're doing and look at the person when you're talking to them. Make sure you turn your body to face the person you're talking to. A well-timed touch on the arm can also signal sincerity. And definitely smile. You want to show happiness for the person.
Tweet me any questions at @blancacobb with #BlancaOn2. Or, on my facebook page.
Blanca Cobb is a WFMY News 2 Contributing Editor, body language expert and keynote speaker/trainer who covers nonverbal communication, psychology and behavior. Follow her @blancacobb. The opinions expressed in this article are exclusively hers.
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