GREENSBORO, N.C. — Even though biological siblings have the same parents, they can be very different from each other: various heights, eye colors, personalities, tempers, likes, and dislikes. In particular, not all siblings have the same abilities and skills. Some siblings like school more than others. And some are smarter than others.
A common mistake parents make is comparing their kids in the hopes that the good qualities rub off on the other siblings. For example, a parent might say, “Your sister doesn’t have a problem in math. Maybe you should study more, and you wouldn’t struggle so much.” What the child hears is that they’re not smart enough. Some parents don’t realize that their statements have the opposite effect of what they want.
Children feel loved when accepted for who they are, not for what their parents wished they would be. This means that you don’t compare your kids. Instead, you celebrate each child for their strengths and imperfections. You support them as individuals. Encourage their strengths and find ways to help them improve their weaknesses. This is a way to show them that you care.
If one of your children compares to their sibling and puts themselves down, correcting the behavior is essential. If not, it can lead to self-esteem issues, depression, anxiety, and resentment. Reframe the negative and say something like, “You and your sister are different people. This means you don’t have to be good at the same things. You can be good at different things and be fabulous.”
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