WFMY News 2 What is Body Language?
You hear the words "body language" constantly these days. People are trying to figure someone out by watching their body language. But what is body language? What does it really tell us about people?
The words "body language" is a little too simplistic in scope. When I talk about body language, what I'm really referring to is "nonverbal communication." Nonverbal communication includes body language, gestures, tone and pitch of your voice, rate of your speech, facial expressions. Depending on the research study anywhere between 65 to 95% of what you're communicating is being communicated nonverbally. That's huge! Solely focusing on people's words is a tremendous mistake. Think about all the information that you'll be missing. This is the reason I tell you to "listen with your eyes."
Reading body language has a limitation. Body language cues reveals your emotions, feelings, intentions, stress, anxiety. A body language cue doesn't necessarily indicate when someone's lying. Too many people think that there's a Pinocchio effect, which there isn't. One body language tell doesn't mean someone is lying. The process of discovering deception is more complicated than a single cue. In fact, statement analysis, an analysis of someone's words, is more effective in determining deception than body language cues.
What's the difference between shy and introverted?
When it comes to social interactions, you often hear stories about the really outgoing people who are the life of the party. And then you hear about the shy or introverted people who'd rather have their teeth pulled without anesthesia then mingle with others. Is there a difference between someone being shy and someone being introverted? You might think that shy or introverted people don't like being around other people. But is this really the case?
No, it isn't the case at all. Yet many people think that the words "shy" and "introvert" are synonyms. Shyness is anxiety and nervousness in social situations like when you meet new people, attend parties or business luncheons. People with really high levels of shyness have physical symptoms of stress such as heart racing, sweating, blushing and feeling nausea. A shy person wants to socially engage but doesn't feel comfortable doing so.
On the other hand, an introvert isn't necessarily a shy person. An introvert gets their energy by being by alone. It's a choice not an anxiety provoking situation as with shyness. Being around people drains the introverts' energy so they re-energize by being by themselves. Reading, writing, cooking, exercising, whatever.
Surprising Reasons Body Language Can Influence Your Personal and Professional Relationships
Since you unknowingly say so much through your body language, you can either make or break your relationships. Body language can emphasize, mimic or contradict your words.
Body language helps emphasis what you're saying. It works like a highlighter emphasizing your main points. Body language also mimics what you're saying. For example, you can say "eew" and show "eew" with a face of disgust and a head turn. It can contradict what you're saying. You can say "yes," but shake your head ""no." Your body language, facial expressions, gestures, voice can either support or contradict your words.
So your family, friends and business associates can get a sense of whether you're being authentic and real with them through the silent messages you send through your body language. Think about the first civilization – the caveman era and before language was invented. Body language, facial expressions and voice were important to determine if someone was your friend or enemy. And then you'd decided how to respond. Think about how we interact with babies. Babies can't talk so we rely on reading their body language and listening to their types of cries to determine what they want or need. It's really no different, you use visual cues as evidence that someone means what they say. To make sure that they're not tricking you.
Body Language Cues That Indicate Who's Introverted and Who's Not Interested
Introverted people are usually misunderstood. You might think that introverted people don't like being around other people and lack social skills. You couldn't be further from the truth. Introverted people are usually very social skilled. The issue is that being around people drains their energy. They tend to like smaller groups, more intimate gatherings. There's also varying degrees of introversion. For example, I'm about one-half introversion and one-half extroversion. I love doing body language and detecting deception keynote presentations and trainings to audiences, I get a lot of my energy from the participants in my programs. Afterwards, I'm drained. I'm spent. I take time for myself, alone. I usually exercise, walk in the city, read, or relax to re-energize. I need the down time just for me.
The main problem for introverts is that they tend to be misjudged. Needing alone time or not being the life of the party makes other people think that they're social inept and misjudged to be disinterested. It can be difficult to know the difference unless you know what body language cues to look for.
One thing to look at is their body orientation. Where are they facing when they're near you or talking to you. Many times an introverted person will be facing you, but may be content listening and not engaging in that moment. Whereas a disinterested person would turn their body away from you towards something or someone more interesting to them.
Another clue to whether someone is introverted or disinterested is by noticing if they're listening or tuning you out. An introverted person will listen to what you have to say. They'll engage, nod their head, make "hmm mmm" sounds for you to continue talking whereas a disinterested person will cut you off, change the subject or excuse themselves.
Looking at their feet is another great clue if someone is introverted or disinterested. You point your feet where you want to go. So if the person you're talking to has their feet and legs facing your direction then they're engage even if they're not talking. However, if their feet and legs are facing the door or away from you then they're signaling disinterest.
One thing to remember is that there are different levels on introversion. From super, duper wally-uper introversion to slightly introverted. Keep in mind that Introverted people tend to warm up more quickly in smaller groups and with time. Be patient and continue to authentically engage with someone before you determine that they're disinterested in you.
If you have any questions for me, you'll find me on Twitter at @blancacobb with #BlancaOn2. Or, on my facebook page.
Blanca Cobb is a WFMY News 2 Contributing Editor, body language expert and keynote speaker. Follow her @blancacobb. The opinions expressed in this article are exclusively hers.
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