GREENSBORO, N.C. — Editor's note: The video attached to this story is from a previous story about pressure in life and mental health with Dr. Nannette Funderburk.
As if going to school through a pandemic isn’t stressful enough, children are witnessing deadly shootings inside schools across the country. There’s a lot on their minds already, on top of the stress that comes from homework and just every day life.
Psychotherapist Dr. Nannette Funderburk described ways for parents to help foster their child's mental health.
Dr. Funderburk is the owner of The Social and Emotional Learning Group, PLLC, a counseling private practice in Greensboro. She provides counseling and training to individuals, groups, and organizations.
Here are 10 ways to foster a child's mental health:
1. Set a plan
Plan times to talk to your children. It could be once a week, once a month, even once a quarter, it just depends on your child.
"Just like you have an insurance policy for your health or your auto or your travel, create a plan that you 'pay' on regularly," Dr. Funderburk said.
It's helpful, especially when there is so much going on like there has been, because kids can be anxious. Make sure kids know the plan, which is being able to speak what's on their mind whenever something goes wrong.
Talking about it and getting it out can be relieving for the child.
2. Model the behavior
Kids are less likely to do what you say but most likely to do what you do.
"They have see that when mom, dad, or grandma isn't feeling the greatest, they take a time out or they go to their therapist or writing in their journal," Dr. Funderburk said. "The goal is for them to see it."
3. Ask open-ended questions
Ask children questions that can't be answered with just "yes" or "no," even though kids can make an open-ended question real closed.
Dr. Funderburk suggested saying "tell me about your day" rather than asking "how was your day?" because kids can easily answer with one word and close the question all together.
You want to be open and take in all they're saying.
4. Limit news time on TV
With all that's been happening in the world, on top of being anxious from school, hearing about school shootings or kids their age dying, keeping the news on 24/7 doesn't relieve stress and anxiety from that.
Kids may not be watching the news, but it's on in the background, so they hear it.
"It's like that music that you hear down the street," she said.
5. Create a vocabulary list
Start asking them for their word of the day.
Parents should create a vocabulary list of descriptive and emotional words to help their child describe how they're really feeling. Younger children may need help with a list.
Once that list is created, with definitions, parents have created a space for them to talk to you whenever and allow the child to explain what's going on in their world.
It's the parent's job to just come in and listen to them and not come in and tell them what they're life is like.
6. Do something they are good at
Most kids aren't going to sit and have a conversation. Try talking to them while doing something they enjoy doing, so they can teach you a few things.
Mention something they've brought up in previous conversations, and ask them, "how's that going?"
It just gets filtered into the conversation rather than focusing on it.
7. Check yourself
As people, we have to be careful about judgement. It can be easy to make a statement in the spirit of well-being and well-doing that may come off in a tone we didn't intend for it to be.
You may have to ask yourself, "If I heard someone else say this to my child, would I be okay with that statement?"
"A lot of times, we feel like we can say whatever we want to our kids, but if someone else said that to your child, would you be okay with that? If that answer is no then that's your hint maybe you shouldn't speak to your kids that way," she said.
8. Social media check
Most people use their phones as an outlet to escape. Kids may have a specific pages they enjoy to be on, but who is on their feed?
Anything you find online has the potential to be flooded with what is current.
Dr. Funderburk said if social media is where a person may go for a distraction, it could potentially be harmful. Especially for kids.
9. Be active
It can be helpful to get exercise.
Kids have more opportunities to exercise in fun ways: going to a rec center, going outside to play with kids in the neighborhood or even just going for a walk.
Any physical activity can release any tension.
10. Offer therapy
Dr. Funderburk shared therapists will work with children as young as an infant.
"There's not really a too young of an age you just have to find someone that works with your age group," Funderburk said.