GREENSBORO, N.C. — We've all been there. Running late, frantically searching for something, and then...the blaming starts! "I gave you the car keys." "No, you didn't." Sounds familiar, right? But why do we jump to blame others, even for everyday things like misplaced keys?
Jumping to blame is a complex issue. Blame can feel like an easy escape. It protects your ego from uncomfortable feelings like guilt or shame. You might also fear taking responsibility because it could make you feel like a failure or look incompetent.
Constant blame can hurt your relationship. Blaming your partner for your mistakes and for things that aren't their fault, breaks down trust because you're sending the message that you don't respect them. Your relationship is doomed if your partner doesn't feel emotionally safe and secure. When you blame, you put your partner on the defensive. So, instead of solving the problem together, your partner becomes defensive, sticking up for themselves. Falsely blaming creates resentment, which dooms your relationship.
If you want to keep your relationships solid, then you have to stop blaming when it's your own doing. Here are a few tips to stop the blame game. First, instead of dwelling on who's to blame, ask yourself: What could I have done differently to prevent this? How can I avoid making the same mistake in the future? How can my partner and I solve the situation together? Second, own your mistake because it's yours. Acknowledging your mistakes is the right thing to do. Third, focus on solutions because blame doesn't fix the problem.
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