GREENSBORO, N.C. — Have you ever noticed when someone is really liked or favored that, people tend to give them a pass for bad behavior? For example, they might say an off-handed joke or remark that’s hurtful or inappropriate, and people blow it off. You might think, “Hey, what they’re doing is wrong, but no one seems to care.”
When you make excuses for bad behavior, you’re rationalizing their bad behavior. You’re giving reasons why what they did isn’t so bad. If you can make sense of the reasons, then bad behavior is okay. In psychology, rationalizing is a defense mechanism and is another way to make excuses.
You try to use logic to explain bad behavior. For example, the employee wouldn’t have stolen the money if the boss had paid everyone fairly. No reason to steal would exist because the employee could pay their bills. So, essentially, you blame the victim. Rationalizing is a defense mechanism because you use excuses to avoid talking about the real reasons for the bad behavior.
Sometimes, you may not want to call out bad behavior to avoid negative feelings such as guilt. Or, you may not want someone to judge you as being righteous, or you may want to avoid problems with the person. In other words, it’s all about avoidance and minimizing problems.
Here are a few things to consider to help you stop making excuses for bad behavior. First, call a spade a spade. See the behavior for what it is. This means objectively pointing out the bad behavior without giving any reasons.
For example, stealing is wrong. Stealing is breaking the law. No excuses. No explanations. Understanding the reasons why someone is behaving badly is different than making excuses. When you know the whys or the motives, finding ways to fix the bad behavior is easier. Excuses and rationalizations keep the bad behavior going. Ask yourself why you’re making excuses for the bad behavior. Figure out how it is serving you to agree with it.
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