GREENSBORO, N.C. — In any relationship, communication is key. But sometimes, the wrong words can shut down a conversation. This morning, we're tackling a phrase that can create havoc: "Not my problem." There are a few reasons why a partner would say, "Not my problem." They might be feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, or angry about a situation. "Not my problem" becomes a way to shut down the conversation before it gets out of hand. Perhaps they don't feel the issue directly affects them, or they weren't involved in creating the problem and don't feel responsible for it. Or, it could be a sign of a more self-centered partner who isn't looking at the situation from their partner's perspective, only from theirs.
"Not my problem" is a bad thing to say to your partner because it's dismissive and insensitive. It shuts down your partner's feelings and shows your unwillingness to be a team. In a healthy relationship, partners support each other. "Not my problem" creates distance and resentment.
Here's what to say instead of "Not my problem." Say something that acknowledges their feelings, like "That sounds frustrating. Let's talk about it." Or, offer support with "I'm here for you. How can I help?" You can also set boundaries, "I can't solve this right now. Let's talk about it later when I'm more focused."
Remember that communication is a two-way street. This means you'd want your partner to be sensitive and supportive, so by showing empathy and offering solutions, you can turn a potential fight into a chance to connect deeper.
Share your thoughts on my Facebook page: Blanca Cobb – Body Language Expert. Write a message on my timeline, and I'll get back to you. While you're on my page, I'd appreciate it if you give my page a "like."
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