GREENSBORO, N.C. — We all know motherhood is a journey filled with love, laughter, and, at times, regret. But sometimes, those regrets can overshadow the joy of our relationships with our grown children. Today, we're here to help moms get over the guilt so they can focus on what's most important: time with their kids.
Motherhood is a constant learning curve. Most moms want their children to have it better than they did. They want their children to do more, be more, have more than they had. And moms make mistakes that they can later regret. Although no one should expect to be a perfect parent, some moms have a hard time letting go if their choices have impacted their kids. Let's say, for example, that a mom had to work a lot when their child was young. And they feel guilty because they weren't home as much for their child. Let's say that their child has become distant or not as communicative with mom; then mom might feel guilty because she associates not being home with her child's emotional distance, which may or may not be connected.
Guilt is a negative emotion and can make some moms pull away and become distant, sad, and obsessive in their thinking. A mom's guilt can make a mom focus on the perceived negativity instead of enjoying time with their adult children.
Usually, moms talk about their guilt with their adult children. They'll blame themselves. You'll hear comments that they make or stories that they tell. If you get the sense that mom is struggling with guilt, then it might be a good idea to let her know that although you understand why she feels guilty, you're okay. And if it isn't an issue for you, then it shouldn't be an issue for her. Tell her the wonderful things that she's done for you. And her sensitivity to any impact on you is appreciated. But you love her, and you want to focus on the good.
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