GREENSBORO, N.C. — Many families will be spending Thanksgiving together next week. And as much as you should enjoy being with your family, there can be tense moments which you might want to avoid. Many of the tension results from communication problems.
A common complaint is that people don’t listen to each other. To be an effective listener, it’s more than hearing someone’s words. It’s really understanding what they’re saying and what they’re feeling. Picking apart what’s said or how it’s told isn’t listening; it’s being critical. If you answer in a way that doesn’t reflect what they’ve said, they may feel you’re not listening. A good way to listen is to listen to their words to understand what they’re saying. Don’t ascribe meaning to what you hear. Listen to what they say. Reflect back on what you hear, so it gives them a chance to correct any misunderstandings.
Because of divided attention, phones and mobile devices can wreak havoc on family time. Someone may not feel important if you’re looking at a screen instead of them when conversing with them. If people think you don’t value them, you also tend to slip on their priority list. Put your technology away during conversations. Not face down on the table. Put it away so you’re not tempted to look at it.
Making assumptions can devastate communication and is one of the fastest ways to damage relationships. Making assumptions is dangerous and usually wrong because you can’t read someone’s mind. Assumptions typically lead to wrong conclusions. People tend to get offended. Instead of making assumptions, ask questions to make sure you understand what they’re thinking and what they mean.
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