When we think of parents, we tend to think about our childhood and our parents taking care of us. But, there comes a time that we as adult children might be taking care of our parents as they age and their health deteriorates. Unfortunately, this transition isn’t all smooth sailing.
Here are a few common mistakes that you as an adult child make when taking care of your own parents. As a parent yourself, you’re an expert in taking care of your own children. You have to think about generational differences and the mindset of your parents. You might be comfortable making decisions for your parents because of your track record in caring for your own children. Realize that your parents might have mixed feelings about losing their independence and having limited choices in their lives. The role reversal can be a bit of a shock. Another common mistake is assuming that you know what’s best for your parents. And this may be the case, but giving your parents choices about what will be happening in their own lives will make them happier and make any adjustments to different living situations easier.
Don’t assume that your parents will tell you what’s on their minds. Your parent may choose not to speak up because they don’t want to be a burden. They might feel that you have a lot going on in your life and don’t want to add any more stress. So, they grin and bear it, as the saying goes. Or, your parent may not speak up because they’re scared, worried, or unsure of your reactions, and they don’t want you to stop taking care of them. The loss of independence can undermine your parent’s self-confidence.
Watch your parents’ body language to see how they’re adjusting to any situation and any decisions you’ve made on their behalf. Watch your parent’s body language for any changes. Look for changes in their baseline behavior, tone of voice, facial expressions, and body orientation to the words they typically use. Changes in their baseline behavior can be a clue that something isn’t right. Anything you can change or tweak will make your parent happier; I say do it. If you’re unsure what changes to make or want your parent’s input, ask them. You can say something like, “I’m noticing that you might not be comfortable with X, Y, or Z. I’d like your take on the situation because I’d like to see what we can do to make it better for you.”
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