GREENSBORO, N.C. — December is rolling by, and before you know it, you'll visit with family for Christmas. With the holidays comes family stress, and as much as we know we should talk things out, sometimes it doesn't go as planned. Here are a few tips for healthier conversations to help you have a merrier holiday with your family.
Remember this: Having a conversation with someone is more than talking. The conversation is about listening to what's being said and hidden emotions that someone may not be comfortable revealing. Also, there's a nonverbal element to communication.
Watch out for communication shutter downers. Here are a couple of common ways that people shut down communication. One way is by talking over each other-- where you're talking to get your point across but not listening to what the other person is saying. Another common way to shut down communication is by judging and criticizing what someone is saying.
If someone criticizes or judges what you're saying or what you've done and it's shutting you down, then you have to speak up for yourself. You can say, "I'm telling you this because X, Y, Z. "When you say that I was stupid, it makes me feel like you're criticizing me and makes me not want to talk to you, and it makes me wonder why you even want to have this conversation or know this information. What I need from you is to feel safe sharing this with you. That you're listening to understand and not make me feel bad." See how they respond. Their response will let you know whether you should continue the conversation.
Share your thoughts on my Facebook page: Blanca Cobb – Body Language Expert. Write a message on my timeline, and I'll get back to you. While you're on my page, I'd appreciate it if you give my page a "like."
