GREENSBORO, N.C. — The holidays with new family members can be tricky, particularly if you don’t know them very well. Perhaps you feel uncomfortable with new family members because they’re replacing other people in the family who aren’t celebrating with you; specifically, we’re talking about divorced parents.
A healthy way to think about spending the holidays with new family members is that it’s an addition to the family, not a subtraction or substitution for anyone. This mindset shift changes your perspective to the positive. It can be difficult and feel like divided loyalties if you spend time with a stepparent or your parent’s romantic partner. It’s different, not wrong or bad. You can love both of your parents and accept new family members.
Whatever mixed or angry feelings you have about your parents’ situation, remember not to take it out on the new family members, whether it’s your parent’s romantic partner or their children. Negative ensues more negativity. Instead, it’s healthier to have a curious disposition about new people. Curiosity helps you become interested in the other person, and it makes you interesting because you’re taking an interest in them. Be sure to include the new family members in any decisions that impact the whole group. Just don’t tell them what the final decision is.
Let’s say that you noticed that someone in your family wasn’t particularly welcoming to someone new or that the new person didn’t seem very comfortable. You might want to monitor the situation at your Christmas gathering. Sometimes, things work out on their own. You might want to ask what’s happening if you see the same situation. Specifically, you want to ask people how they feel and what they want to happen. People react because of how they feel in the moment.
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