It was a moment in reality TV history that dropped jaws across the country. In a "Survivor: Gamechangers" episode that aired last April, Jeff Varner outed fellow castaway Zeke Smith as transgender.
Varner remembers it like it was yesterday. "April 12, 2017 was a horrible night for me."
He watched it play out on tv at home. "I knew that when this hit the air, it was going to hit hard, I knew that it was going to be ugly and I just braced myself for it."
To understand how it got to that point, you have to back nine months to when the episode was actually taped in Fiji. In tribal council, it was obvious to Varner he was about to be voted off the island.
Varner said he was trying to convince fellow castaways they were being deceived by Smith with multiple alliances. "And then he said, 'Jeff I'm not deceiving anybody,' and out of my mouth came 'then why don't you tell everybody you're trans?’"
"I realized the magnitude of what happened 2 seconds after it came out of my mouth," recalled Varner.
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Varner argued he thought Zeke had told people his secret. "Who goes on a national television like that, a reality show with a secret like that?” questioned Varner. “To me, it never dawned on me he wasn't out."
But it didn't matter, the damage was done. Not only was he chastised by the others, he was voted off the show.
That wasn't the end of it. He knew that moment would eventually be shown on TV.
"It was horrific,” recalled Varner. “That period of waiting from the moment I got home until the moment it aired, it was a horrific period of time in my life."
Varner knew he had nine months before it aired, so he mentally and emotionally prepared.
"My whole goal when I got back was do the work I needed to do to strengthen me so that when this tsunami of hell hit, I could stand it," said Varner.
And it hit hard, especially from the LGBT community, which, as a gay man, he's a member of.
"You should kill yourself,” said Varner, recalling messages on social media. “You're a hateful human being, how dare you. It's a special kind of crime when LGBT does that to LGBT."
He was surprised at the support he got from some people on the right side of the political aisle.
"He is trans, everybody should know it, I mean he wants to be an activist, he wants to live his truth, you did him a favor," remembered Varner of some of the support he was getting. "That was uncomfortable for me because I knew a lot of the support I was getting was coming from a place of ignorance where they were being mean as they supported me."
Varner said there's a context to that moment you wouldn't understand simply by watching on TV. "You're starving, you're sleeping on the ground, ‘Survivor brain’ is real, it's a real thing, you're not thinking clearly, people make stupid mistakes and it was just that, it was a mistake."
The day after the show, Varner was fired from a Triad real estate agency.
It affected his family, too. "My parents saw every word and got involved, like got online, cussed people out, defended me, they were so bothered.”
Varner said he's gone through a lot of therapy and soul-searching since the taping and he's in a better place now. "Having to dig through my own crap and figure out who I am and what life means has just changed everything and I can't be upset about that. I have to be grateful for that moment."
He's using his experience to talk to local groups about shame and overcoming it, even dealing with cyberbullying.
WFMY News 2 asked him about his relationship with Zeke, now that it's been nearly a year since the episode aired.
"It's really weird between us,” admitted Varner. “I consider us a work in progress because I think he's a great guy, I really do. But right now he and I are not in a good place together."
As for the biggest takeaway, Varner said, "There can be absolute beauty and peace in your life's worst mistake. You just have to not be afraid to grab it and run with it because there's happiness on the other end of it."
"I realized the magnitude of what happened 2 seconds after it came out of my mouth," recalled Varner.